Archive for January, 2006

Don’t look so surprised
I’m only joking
The alien comic cried
The jackass and hyena
Took the feather from its book
The monkey in the corner
Wrote the joke down his book -waters

(Off Topic Alert, you’ve been warned!)

I don’t care how smart people think they are, their education failed them if they use phrases like “consume entertainment products” to describe reading or watching and listening to performance arts. It’s bad enough to be called a “consumer” I.e. “locust” by some punk in a suit, but it’s even worse when they come up with some ridiculous phrase like “consume entertainment”. It’s obvious these advertising-based human substitutes all sit in the same brightly lit rooms with other like minded automatons who breath the same rancid high-rise filtered and conditioned air. They need to get out more! I’m sorry, but I’ve never consumed a book or magazine. I could I suppose, if I chopped it into little pieces. Lord knows there are all sorts of magazines that should be chopped into pieces. Usually they have pictures of bikini clad women sitting on the back of tricked out motorcycles. But at least you COULD consume a book. . But the concept that by seeing or hearing something we are consuming it, is off the chart on the old bone-head meter. Need I point out that normally once something is consumed, it’s gone?? I can think of a lot of “entertainment” that just never seems to go away! Can you imagine what odd sentences must be formed around their water coolers?, “Hey Biff, did you consume Desperate Housewives last night?”, “No, me and the fam consumed a couple DVDs”. I bet that was tasty! Well, to be fair, I did hear Mr. Spock use the word consume in a sentence and it didn’t sound too bad. But then. . . that WAS Mr. Spock!The worst part about this “marke-modern-techno-speak” is having it poured down upon us by the over-educated elitists who actually CAN decide what sort of information we consumers are capable of, or allowed to be consuming. You know the ones, they are the guys who say, “our network experts are reviewing the video for authenticity and will not be showing it, here is a still frame from the alleged video.. . Now let us tell you what you are looking at and what she is saying . . .” Ah, First Wolf, I don’t need a vision translator. I can see the image. AND since the tape is in English I may just be able to understand it. I may also be capable of understanding the complexity and bias effecting the content. So how about letting me see it and I will verify what you think YOU see, Ok Mr. Blitzer? I don’t need CNN to mix it with milk so I can consume it more easily, but thanks for the offer. Or how about the guys who’ve been working so hard to turn the BBC into FOX? Ah, guys. . We used to actually WANT to watch the BBC, but now I can’t get this grey nightmarish image of Robbie Williams out of my head!! On the other hand, here’s the one place the word “consume” works in entertainment. Imagine this in the local paper, “Celia Manifyie was found dead today. Apparently committing suicide by consuming 3 CDs of Robbie Williams. Luckily she died peacefully and serenely by just going to sleep. . “

Now let me see if there are few links we can consume. . stay tuned!

For more information on modern English see the Basic Principles of Newspeak. This is of course a fictional language created by George Orwell.

And it came to pass at eventide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. – 2 Samuel 11:2

As you know I’ve been hyperfocused on the reverse-sweep roll recently. I always have these things that I see others do that just seem freaking impossible. Over time I begin to fixate. It’s the "Bathsheba Effect". I can’t stop thinking about it, I have to get this damn roll!! Really though, "impossible", only seems impossible until I make an attempt. There is something about trying and failing that suddenly make the impossible seem more attainable. Failure is somehow inspiring. Isn’t that weird??

The reverse sweep has been like that for me. It’s been one of those things that once seemed un-obtainable, then lingered just out of my grasp, finally succeeding just enough to tease me. The kayak gods would grant me one nasty success and soon I’d lose it again, forgetting completely how I’d gotten there in the first place. Recently with the extra pool time the elusive roll has been showing some real gains. Yet, I was still feeling off balance. I was coming up, but I was working too hard. I could feel it.Then yesterday due to a bit of miscommunication that sent part of our party to one cove and the rest to another, I had some time to work one-on-one with a very talented Greenland roller from Racine named Paul. Paul has always impressed me with the simplicity of his explanations and unique visualizations that seem to work well for my brain. Paul was able to apply his unique imagery to my rough interpretation of the reverse sweep. With help I could re-focus. I would rest in a chest scull, internally reaching out to sense my body position. I changed my wet noodle torso position in to a tight back arch, looking up the paddle shaft to the silver-grey surface. I focused on my arms and sharpened my blade angle until it rose out of the water like a scimitar in Arthurian legend. Then mentally I reached back to my shoulders and let them scull the blade. My arms should transmit the motion, not create it. Just this simple focus on my shoulders forced body rotation into my scull and began to turn my hips. Already the boat wanted to come up. I just had to complete the rotation. Slowly I’d turn my hips with no thought to the blade, then as my hips brought the kayak around, my body curled from the arched back position inward into a slight crunch. Suddenly upright, I drew my now horizontal blade across my deck. I was stable and braced. The roll was smooth and simplistic. Nothing like my successes in the pool that often left me spent. In that moment with my head still tucked and the paddle blade under my nose, I felt that total rush of connection. The emotional pride in success over ones own weakness mixed with the sensuality of the water running down my forehead. I remembered why I do this! Kayaking is certainly one of those experiences where each mountain climbed lays before you a thousand other peaks. Heck sometimes you have to climb the same mountains again just to be sure you can still do it. For myself, each time I have some small success I find myself longing for the next. It’s an addiction. In the end, my obsession is to win Bathsheba without sending anyone off to die! - Thanks to Russ for the invitation. We’ll have to do it again. . .and all end up in the same place!!

>> Here Are A Few Blurry Photos (top gallery)

You wouldn’t think it was still January. It could have been spring. Early spring. Almost frozen, but edging toward thaw. I kept feeling the urge to lift clumps of dead leaves to look for the little green shoots. Looking for “Jack in the Green”.We walked along the high cliffs. Torrents fell from red and brown broken stone. Our clothing’s once warm barrier soaked through and gave way. We got very wet and very cold. Thankfully numbness and distraction protects you. You hear rattles and slaps in all directions. Tapping drops on high oak leaves. A distant call of a crow.

We created new paths to avoid the water soaked frozen stone steps. No one fell, but everyone slipped. Mud oozed into boot treads. I got water up my nose. Gryphon’s eyelids dripped and stuck together.

We hopped into the Jeep and removed our wet layers. The heater could not work fast enough. We bounced into our gravel driveway and ran for the house. Clothing flew in all directions. We grabbed blankets and sleeping bags and huddled on the couch under a big psychedelic fabric mountain as our cheeks began to burn.

Then Mary put the kettle on. . .

- d

So. . . What’s surfing in Wisconsin like?? Well not very much like these pictures of Sean Morley. . . d

(click images to enlarge)

*Photos Provided by Sean Morley. Thank you!

Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come – sound garden

You can’t help but feel sort of odd carrying a white water kayak down the hallways of a hotel. People tend to give you odd looks. Not to mention having to try to open the door to the pool with the tip of your paddle.The pool is really just barely wide enough to roll with and extended paddle. But soon you slip right or left and then have to re-adjust your position again before you set up again for the next roll. A couple times today I found myself sliding upside down to the side of the pool, going to set up and banging my knuckles against the sandpaper walls and needed to then set up and roll on the other side. I suppose that’s good practice for getting slid up against a bank or rock, but it’s still a bit unnerving.

I spend quite a bit of time on reverse sweeps again today. I would drop from the warm humid pool air face first into the water, pushing my inside hand down deep in the water to be sure my paddle angled up and out of the water in a slow smooth chest scull. Then I would crunch my chubby abdomen up tight and twist my hips as I swept forward. Amazingly finding myself face down on my deck as I slid my paddle across the Pyranha’s tiny front deck. It’s getting easier and that’s a good sign.

The hardest part of pool practice is the same as any other day in the kayak. Suddenly finding yourself driving down the road again as if you’d never actually been in the water. In the kayak everything is wonderful and relaxing. It’s more often on dry land with sun glaring off glass where I find myself swimming.

- d

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way – waters

One of the little catch phrases Rutabaga in Madison, WI. uses is that they sell “Time on the water!”. Of course time on the water is sold on the layaway plan ’round here at the moment.

And speaking of Rutabaga, they have a new website! Basic, clean, simple. Very nice. The only problem I had, is that it took me a while to find the link to used boats. Being poverty stricken as I am, that’s my most important page. Finally I found it was a little text link about half way down the homepage. A few nice VCP boats there at the moment.

And speaking of time on the water, it’s funny how things take off on you sometimes. I talked to a local paddler a few weeks back about getting together for a pool session and before I knew it we had 6 students ready for a rolling class! Better yet, they already had arranged use of a pool! Now why can’t life always go like that!? Luckily I was able to get JB to run over an help me manage the group. Personally, one on one is my strong point where rolling is concerned. Working with just one person you tend to have more time to figure out what works best for them. In a class setting when you have a 1 to 3 ratio you tend to fall back to ACA standard procedure. . But on the other hand, when I try to go back to “standard procedure” it always ends up a bit like the Return of the Pink Panther! It should be a good time.

Then I got an email from Russ down in Racine that a few of the So’easters will be coming up to Smokey Lake (or lake Columbia for the un-initiated) on Sunday. Cool. I’m going to try to make that one as well.

I also have a solo pool session planned for tomorrow morning. Nothing beats a little alone “time on the water” either.

By the way. . . I bet fishermen all over the world refer to their local lake as “The Dead Sea”. Hmm, I wonder what the locals around the the Dead Sea call the Dead Sea?

The Dead Sea, I suppose. . .

-d

I’ve got a new patch! Of course you can see my penguin stole it and is now claiming that HE is the region’s best G-style roller! Penguins have such egos!- d

- Visit QajaqUsa!

- Patches Part 1