Consume This. . .

Posted by derrick on January 31, 2006

Don’t look so surprised
I’m only joking
The alien comic cried
The jackass and hyena
Took the feather from its book
The monkey in the corner
Wrote the joke down his book -waters

(Off Topic Alert, you’ve been warned!)

I don’t care how smart people think they are, their education failed them if they use phrases like “consume entertainment products” to describe reading or watching and listening to performance arts. It’s bad enough to be called a “consumer” I.e. “locust” by some punk in a suit, but it’s even worse when they come up with some ridiculous phrase like “consume entertainment”. It’s obvious these advertising-based human substitutes all sit in the same brightly lit rooms with other like minded automatons who breath the same rancid high-rise filtered and conditioned air. They need to get out more! I’m sorry, but I’ve never consumed a book or magazine. I could I suppose, if I chopped it into little pieces. Lord knows there are all sorts of magazines that should be chopped into pieces. Usually they have pictures of bikini clad women sitting on the back of tricked out motorcycles. But at least you COULD consume a book. . But the concept that by seeing or hearing something we are consuming it, is off the chart on the old bone-head meter. Need I point out that normally once something is consumed, it’s gone?? I can think of a lot of “entertainment” that just never seems to go away! Can you imagine what odd sentences must be formed around their water coolers?, “Hey Biff, did you consume Desperate Housewives last night?”, “No, me and the fam consumed a couple DVDs”. I bet that was tasty! Well, to be fair, I did hear Mr. Spock use the word consume in a sentence and it didn’t sound too bad. But then. . . that WAS Mr. Spock!The worst part about this “marke-modern-techno-speak” is having it poured down upon us by the over-educated elitists who actually CAN decide what sort of information we consumers are capable of, or allowed to be consuming. You know the ones, they are the guys who say, “our network experts are reviewing the video for authenticity and will not be showing it, here is a still frame from the alleged video.. . Now let us tell you what you are looking at and what she is saying . . .” Ah, First Wolf, I don’t need a vision translator. I can see the image. AND since the tape is in English I may just be able to understand it. I may also be capable of understanding the complexity and bias effecting the content. So how about letting me see it and I will verify what you think YOU see, Ok Mr. Blitzer? I don’t need CNN to mix it with milk so I can consume it more easily, but thanks for the offer. Or how about the guys who’ve been working so hard to turn the BBC into FOX? Ah, guys. . We used to actually WANT to watch the BBC, but now I can’t get this grey nightmarish image of Robbie Williams out of my head!! On the other hand, here’s the one place the word “consume” works in entertainment. Imagine this in the local paper, “Celia Manifyie was found dead today. Apparently committing suicide by consuming 3 CDs of Robbie Williams. Luckily she died peacefully and serenely by just going to sleep. . “

Now let me see if there are few links we can consume. . stay tuned!

For more information on modern English see the Basic Principles of Newspeak. This is of course a fictional language created by George Orwell.