Can I trust you?
Published August 11, 2006 | 
i might be wrongi might be wrong
i could have sworn i saw a light coming on
-radiohead
So there we were driving down the road when Alex finally called. Yeah, we had his wallet. We tried to tell him. In fact we chased him down the curvy little road at insane speeds honking the horn and waving out the windows!! All most whiffed it on a gravel filled corner. We were sure he’d notice when we came to a stop sign. But he didn’t, and he headed south. Well, Keith tried to call him on the cell phone as we watched his car fade into the distance. Voice Mail! Damn! We certainly weren’t going to chase him all the way to Appleton. So in defeat, we headed toward home. When he finally did call and we were miles down the road. Keith answered the phone. As soon as I knew it was Alex I was already turning around before those guys had worked out a plan out. We were going back. Of course we were. No big deal. We’d head back and wait at a gas station until Alex could catch us back up.
Later on, Keith and I were chatting as we buzzed through miles of unremarkable northern Wisconsin landscape. Keith was telling me how he and his wife Laura were talking about the relationships you somehow gain through kayaking. Strange really. Over a couple years you may see each other for just a few hours time. In between you occasionally exchange email about a new boat or some event you may both attend. In a normal world you are for the most part, strangers. Yet, in our kayaking universe it seems quite normal that you’d suddenly find yourself sleeping comfortably on their couch, teasing each other like siblings, or tossing your wallets at each other when someone runs into a store. “There’s cash in there somewhere. . ” For some reason the normal years of nurturing that builds friendships has been condensed in those few hours we do get, intermittent, and stretched out over time. If you actually stop to think about it, you can’t help but wonder.
I think Keith had a wonderful insight. He is after all, a wise man. He said that although we don’t really spend much time together, through kayaking we’ve come to trust each other. .and this is key, “with our lives”. When you look at it that way, our friendships make sense. It’s obvious.
When we first planed to meet with Alex to run the Wolf, neither Keith nor I could claim much, (or any) whitewater experience. We’d be fools to just take off down a river we had no knowledge of our own. But regardless of what you may have heard, we trusted Alex. We naturally expected him to accurately understand his own abilities and our skill level, then use his best judgment to keep us, well. . . Alive. And of course he lived up to our expectations. Of course he would. We have good friends. (just don’t trust him with your paddle).
As paddlers we constantly lean on this trust in open water, crazy surf, and knarly seas. We play in our liquid world in the relative safety of our friendships.
Over the last few years I’ve come to call a large group of silly people friends. People I would trust with my life. Some I’ve hardly spent an hour with in person, almost our whole relationships are carried along by email. Others I’ve spent many hours or days with. Yet, I trust each and every one of my friends. I know if need be they would look out for me as fiercely as I would them. As kayakers it has to be that way. It’s understood. And in there is the wonderful insight. It’s about trust. In some relationships you may never even ask the question, however with other kayakers it’s one of the first questions you ask. Albiet in silence, “Can I trust you?”
Sure of the answer to an unspoken question you launch together out into the waves.
“Yes.”
On the water you can accept nothing less.
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9 Responses to Can I trust you?
I claim this post in the name of Portugal.
Seriously though, it is a creepy unspoken concept I wanted to add to my own blog, but you are far more disciplined than I.
The only thing I would add is that I tend to appear on other people’s sofa’s alot more than they appear on mine.
Keith
Ahh, and don’t say you did’nt get credit and that I won’t share half the profits!
Do you have a nice couch?
Excellent piece, Derrick. How about a follow up about the ones who say they are able, aren’t and are not there when they are really needed? It would be another great blog…trust me.
good post. conversely, i have run rivers with people who i don’t trust with my life and it’s a pretty unnerving experience (when not in a student-instructor dynamic).
Nice one Derrick – very thoughtful post. As an extension, I have experienced the unconscious twinning of minds when working with people who are ‘in tune’ when looking after a group – if one of you moves position, the other seems to automatically read what is going on and adjust their position or actions accordingly. It can be quite difficult to explain to a group what is happening (if they notice!) when it all seems to happen ‘on auto pilot’. Good feeling though…
rowland
Silbs – second that: been there, done it, got the scars!
To quote a dear friend, who I trust to the nth degree, “And the autopsy will show that I am right!”
Certainly one of your top posts. Well done!
TD
I am in complete agreement.
but usually I tell people my tow-line is for hanging washing on to dry.
they believe me too.
I agree. Kayaking builds trust. However, when a kayaking friendship goes bad – and they do sometimes – trust is often the first thing to go and the hardest thing to regain when trying to regain what’s been lost.