Assessment days are like head injuries. You remember you got up. Everything was ok. Then something happened. From there you remember bits and pieces but it’s all mixed up. Big portions are just missing. Then you’re suddenly somewhere unfamiliar, alone, and waiting. Someone calls your name. You have to get up. . .

I pulled into the driveway at Big Rock Forest Preserve just south of Sugar Grove, Illinois, while trying to shake off a lingering headache with orange juice and granola bars. I could see our assessor Kelly Blades standing next to his truck and chatting with Mark (the guy with the perfect low brace turn). It was great to see Kelly again. At the same time it crossed my mind how much it was going to suck when he had to tell my I didn’t pass! Oh well, at this point I was ready to just blow it and pack up, head north, sell my kayaks and never speak of it again. It was certainly par for the course when Kelly told me that someone from a far off land told him to fail me, or at least pretend to fail me. It’s been suggested that the next word I uttered started with the letter ‘B’. But then assessments are like head injuries as I said, sometimes you don’t know what you’re saying. . .

I remember being asked somewhere along the way if I was going to use my “stick” since after all, I was a “Greenland guy“! Really!? Not sure when I began to earn that label or that sort of abuse! At any rate, I thought the teasing couldn’t commence until you actually donned a tuiliq!? In truth though it’s nice to see traditional paddling finally intermingling without all the BS of the past. You can certainly take your BCU assessments with your GP if you like. The little jesting now and then just reminds us that we’re over it, and it’s all good! For what it’s worth I assess with my Lendal. . . For now.

Now, the thing to know about BCU assessors is that they generally come in two models. First is the stern guy with the beard who just tells you to do something and then scribbles wildly as he furrows his brow like some offended, grey haired version of Mr. Spock. They don’t comment other than to order you about and humph. The other type says something like, “Well, let’s go paddle and see what happens.” Sneaky but fun. Thankfully, Kelly Blades is this kind of assessor. Most of his assessments seem to happen while you’re busy not being assessed. This style works well for my crazy head. Take the spotlight off and just let me paddle, then let the chips fall. It also tends to catch those who can put on a good show, but have not actually inculcated what they’ve been learning. (don’t say I didn’t warn you)

Once we were on the water, it was off to the races. Literally. We raced to the opposite side of the lake, we played tow tag (remind me to explain this one day), we did our figure 8′s backwards with and without sweeps, we rescued and rolled, braced and recovered. We paddled 3 in a row and bow ruddered, performed hanging draws and draws on the move all in choreographic form. We answered questions, we swapped boats in deep water, we laughed, chatted, learned and performed. It was fun and nothing like a test. You see, only Kelly knew for sure when we were being assessed and when we were just screwing off and the secret is. . . it was all one and the same.

Before you know it you’re back on land. Waiting for judgment. This is the tough bit. With my ACA coach assessment I didn’t know what to expect. An empty vessel, I had no fear. My first BCU assessment gave me night terrors. Hey, I walked a razors edge on that one! This time I faced it with melancholy. I was tired. My headache was coming back. “What will be, will be.”, I thought. Kelly called my name. I walked over. There we were standing next to a green van in a parking lot. . .both of us miles from home.

Every assessor opens with, “So. . . how do you think you did?”. And you pause for a moment trying to figure out how to start. . . “I sucked.” I said. “Really?” asked Kelly with a slight grin. “Yes,” I said, “I found myself edging the wrong way a couple times. I always tend to make stupid mistakes like that during a test. . . “. I didn’t tell him how I was having visions of Shawna Franklin chiding me for the same mistake, and me just feeling like a mule. I wanted to shout out, “I know which way to edge for God’s sake!! It’s just that your watching and judging me right at the moment! IT’S NOT ME, IT’S. . .”

“Assessoritis??” he said.

“Yes!” Suddenly I was back in the moment. “That’s it. Right. You understand!!”, I thought. Now we could move on to “real” issues. We went on to talk about how things really went. Without a giggle or seeking a bribe he said it went quite well! Of course through the looking glass of the one being tested, I don’t remember it that way, but I’ll take it. I do know I need to work more on my edging all over the map. I’ve also modified how I perform a bow rudder and have improved somewhat on my hanging draw. At least now I can correct it quickly if I don’t quite nail it right off. I have to get forward more. I also had to pick and choose certain methods. Each coach has their own “right way”. Luckily Kelly is the easy going type. Still some early ACA habits die hard. But in general the skills are there and I’m actually confident with them. (As long as I’m not being assessed.)

We had to depart quickly. Kelly hoped he could be back home with his family by supper and Mary and I needed to get back to Wisconsin. We both had big drives ahead. By the time I was cruising down the long driveway, my migraine had come back and I had to navigate back to the hotel squinting through maddening pain. From there Mary mercifully took over driving and I ate another half a bottle of Tylenol. In no time it seemed we were home and curled up on the couch. In the half sleep I could think about what’s next. With the BCU 3* & 4* behind me I can look ahead to Canoe Safety and coach 2. I also hope to get in 5* training next spring as well. But with the changes coming in the BCU, we’ll see how it all plays out. For today, right this moment, I’ll just be happy Kelly didn’t have to say. . “You’re right Derrick. . . You do suck!”

Tomorrow I’ll take you to Geneva Kayak. . .

It’s probably at this point that I should jump in and tell you this is a sad story of the death of kings. . but I won’t. I will say that my assessment terrors came back in good force. This was a day where derrick took full advantage of his BCU 3* prep-class to slide at a good speed, nose first, right into a rock wall while trying to retrieve a ball, forgot what an edge was, and let my tow rope float get hung up in the bag twice in a row!! All this while two other guys with much less experience seemed to glide right through much of the day. Mark made glorious perfect archs across the lake as he demo’ed his picture perfect low brace turns. The bum! While I of course, dug my blade in making nice loud gushing noises and came to quick stops!! I could only hope to find a quiet knoll in the rocks to hide so John Martin wouldn’t have to suffer the vision of such kayak atrocities!

Ah, another Friday is upon us. Yippee. You know, it’s funny how that get’s stuck in your brain. I don’t think I ever had a job that ended on “Friday”. The weekend was always the time I tended to pull double shifts. Before I worked at home I was either in retail, bartending or some tourism related job. I NEVER had a weekend off. Still, you always think, TGIF! Then you realize you have to work the next 11 days straight and think to yourself, “What the hell am I on about!??”

Last night was the first night of the year we spent at the pool. I loaded my Pyranha between the snow flakes. It was a good night. I spent much of it working on the mysterious “double pump” and my offside hand rolls. I have to give Kelly Blades some credit here. He first suggested filling a white water boat with water and letting students swim it around to get the feel of rolling. I tried that last night while working on my offside roll. With the boat full, you can easily get up each time, AND you can feel every mistake along the way. Rolling your ww boat when it’s submerged is a great training tool.

And speaking of Kelly, I’m apparently off to the Geneva Kayak Center near Chicago tomorrow. On Sunday is the 3* assessment which as I noted I have to go back and do since I jumped over it last year to get my 4*. All part of being ready for our new BCU program here in Wisconsin next year. Hopefully I’ll I have more to tell you about GKC when I get back.

Lastly for the day I wanted to share this; SEA Kayaking USA. Better than “Where’s Waldo” it’s “Where’s Dale”. Well, here he is!! Be sure to read his ‘about us’ section. Interesting. Dale a gear head!? Also be sure to check out the photo gallery for the Animated Simon Osborne. A reminder that one should always smile as they are about to land on their face.

And a coat won’t hurt you
It won’t desert you
It will not let you down come to think of it
Even if it doesn’t fit
-gilbert o’sullivan

Alright, so these days you could let me loose in a paddle shop with a million dollars and I’d have a hard time spending it. There’s not much I really want. Yeah, if I had a million dollars I’d have to buy a few new kayaks just because I could. A new Explorer, An Alaw Bach, and a Skim Dex for sure! Then I’d see how many “zeros” it would take to get a special order Kokatat Msfit in black. Then the real fun would start. . I’d begin clearing out the Chillcheater warehouse!

Yeah, we all know all the stuff from Reed looks cool, but I’ve suffered purely physical attractions before with some less than pleasing results. (in my experience “attractive” and “less than pleasant” are often never far apart!!) I actually got my first bit of chillcheater garb off a discount rack in Georgia last year. Hanging in a corner was one yellow touring cag with the classic NDK logo. I of course was enamored. I’d only seen these “official” Uber kayaker cags in video and magazines. Well, it fit, and I couldn’t pass it up for the price. By the end of a week I was addicted. Aquatherm certainly lived up to it’s claims. It kept the wind off and with decent layering kept me nice and toasty which meant something as hurricane Wilma buzzed along just off shore. And of course, it looked cool! But yellow is not my color. . . Within a few months I had saved up enough cash to to order a new cag to fit. . and in Qajaq Cult Black as well! Fair to say these days I live in my Reed.

So now I’ve saved up enough cash to go back to Chillcheater.com and order something new! Yippee! Yeah, all you Wisconsinites out there have to go online, we haven’t managed to get Reed gear at Rutabaga yet! This time I decided I had to address some more serious issues. First I ordered a fabric hatch cover for my Explorer. I learned once last year that I needed a better spare than the old garbage bag and duct tape repair kit. Knowing how tough Chillcheater materials are, I was pretty happy to see Reed making these. On my “some day” list is a big oval cover for my Acuta as well.

My other big selection is the Coverall Cag Deck and Warmer which is probably going to be the single most important bit of gear in my boat next to my paddle! You know, you never really think about what happens when you suddenly get cold on the water. . until you suddenly get cold on the water! The trick is to get something warm on without having to take off your buoyancy aid to do it. A dilemma you can face when assisting others as well. I remember playing out a rescue scenario during my ACA certification and watching as students tried to wrap up a “hypothermic” paddler with a big silver emergency blanket while bouncing around and fighting wind. With boats bumping and bouncing and the blanket blowing all over the place it looked like a worthless endeavor. A big giant cag would have been the perfect answer. Thing is, there are not too many choices out there.

Reed’s coverall was developed with the help of Nigel Dennis who as we all know would be the perfect person to ask when trying to get this right. Simply, the Coverall Cag can just be thrown right on over all your other gear. And like all other Aquatherm gear it blocks the wind, sheds water and helps warm you up. Another nice feature is the integrated hood that in addition to keeping your head warm, will also keep the wind from getting around your neck and shoulders. It also has an attached spray deck which I could see coming in handy in that rescue scenario we talked about above. Then once you’re on land you can use all that extra length to curl up under and warm up. Then. . just for fun there is also a big thermal fleecy hand warmer that you can snap on when your off the water!

Of course I ordered mine in all black with the old red NDK logo. I can’t wait to get it. It’s like Christmas in October! This will have to hold me until I can save up enough for my next bit of Reed gear. . or I win a million dollars. If I win a million dollars then I’ll just call up Chris and say “One of each please!!”

First Snow of the Year!

Some days it’s hard to get the energy to get out the door. It doesn’t help that when you look out the window you see the trees bending and shaking against a cold grey sky. Just think about going paddling and you can feel your cheeks heating up against the wind and spit. Yeah, but somewhere inside I know that once I get out on the water and put a mile or so behind me I’ll adjust. The cold will fade and I’ll be lost in the experience. (my experience, not Helen’s).

So with a little convincing and an occasional shiver I went out and loaded up the warhorse. The trick was to get a strap around it before the wind tried to lift it off the Jeep and send it rolling down the driveway. I’m a little wary these days since once a few years back we had a boat fall off. Along with the wing mirror it also destroyed my former “laisser faire” loading methods! Then once the rest of the gear was loaded, with coffee in hand and Thom York thumping hypnotically away on the stereo, I was sailing curvy country roads under sodden grey skies.

This time around I went south to Lake Wisconsin which is about 15 minutes from my house. Lake Wisconsin was created by a dam on the Wisconsin river. For many years it sat as giant pool among rolling farm land. These days however no bit of shoreline is not without an opulent home and pier with appropriate watercraft. The wealthy don’t like a bit of shoreline that does not have a lot of glass on it. Over the summer I’d had passing thoughts of doing a circumnavigation of the 50 or so miles of shoreline, but I soon dismissed it as it would be soooo boring. What’s more, in season a paddler on lake Wisconsin is taking their life into their own hands in a big way. Twice this year someone in a power boat managed to hit the car ferry! If they can’t see THAT a kayaker doesn’t have a chance!

On this day though the cold kept the water clear of pleasure boaters and I had the lake to myself. Well, just me and the ferry. At the moon valley landing I slipped under my black felt cover up and changed into my wetsuit. Something I’ve not worn in a couple years. I just couldn’t bring myself to put on a drysuit. Not just yet. . . I carried my boat and gear down to the water’s edge. Here you have to walk your boat out through a few feet of slime and duckweed to launch. I sat on the back deck and let my feet dangle in the water for a bit as I paddled out past a noisy bunch of local ducks. Then I headed out under an old viaduct built in the late 1870′s into a marsh. You could feel the cold wind dropping off the bluffs, accelerating, then shooting through the viaduct which became like paddling through a wind tunnel. Wonderful.

In time I headed south back out into the big lake, then north east against the wind for the 3 miles it takes to reach the ferry. I bounced around on the waves watching the Colsac III loading on one side of the lake then quickly zipping to the other side, then reversing the process. The new ferry is much quicker. Although it must get many more people across the lake each day, it seems somehow less ”fun”.

For a time I bounced around on the water taking in the weather, playing with my Optio and rolling off the small waves the ferry sent my way. Slowly the cold began to soak through my gear so I put the camera back into the nice big pocket of my Astral Aquavest 200, edged against the on-coming waves and with one big sweep brought the warhorse around. As usual the Explorer displayed how it’s happy to ride a current and willing to surf even barely visible waves. I averaged 6.6 mph back to the landing.

Back at the landing a few old fisherman said hello as I pulled my boat up onto the yellowing grass. A couple of them asked questions like, “how was the weather out there” and things of that sort. It seems that to many old fisherman dressed against the weather in coveralls, rubber boots, wool hats and hoodies, a kayaker in wetsuit and Reeds seems like a bit of a novelty. And so it should.