the enchantment broke
I rubbed my eyes open wide
like a dream she was gone
All that remained was a song
borne on the ebbing tide
It’s hard for anyone to really imagine what energy and emotion go into planning such endeavors. From the day you first decide you will tell one other person of your plans you truly are committed. Sure, you’ve decided, but telling others makes it real. Then for months on end you imagine and plan, you raise money, you market yourself, you build, you test, you talk, you argue, you sweat, you have nightmares, you ride the rollercoaster, you become single minded. Other concerns of life must pause. At least for a time. Friends become team members. Family becomes pillars. You rely on them. Volunteers and well wishers come out to help in anyway they can. Often adding important information and guidance you’d have never imagined. So many faces want you to succeed. For a moment in time, they attach their personal goals to yours. By the time you slip out into the water it must almost seem as if you’ve lived no other life for as far back as you can remember. In some way you must feel the hopes and expectations of everyone you’ve known and interacted with in the last few months are now firmly wrapped around you like a second PFD.
Some 80km from anywhere, wrapped in a fiberglass tube and at the mercy of a big sea, what do you do when you realize you may have a problem? What goes through your mind when you think going forward may be dangerous? How long is the pause before turning back? Do you see all those faces, do you imagine the press, do you wonder if the sponsors will be miffed? Will the second guessing start? What about that one idiot who keep saying it couldn’t be done? Boy will he be all over you!! Do you battle with ego and pride? The mind is a funny place to live all by yourself. It does have strange priorities sometimes. . .This is where wisdom and bravery take over. You realize that everyone that matters to you just wants you home safe. They will be proud of you. They know that just by trying. . anything. . you’ve done more than most. Everyone else can get stuffed.
Andrew will have another go. I know he will. He’s a man of substance.