It’s just like this ya know. Especially when as a new paddler you’ve decided to take those first steps away from the warm local lake and find yourself standing on the edge of Lake Superior looking across a cold vast expanse of water that won’t end until to you arrive in Canada. It’s scary.

We never stop standing on the shoreline looking out. Maybe with time and experience we get into our boat a little fast sure, but we respect the vast expanse. You don’t have to attempt to cross the Tasman to have people call you crazy or say you’re not thinking about your kids or whatever. Heck when I quit my job to start my own business I took heat. How could I quit a good job just because I was so self-centered that I didn’t want to work for others? What was my problem? Shouldn’t I buckle down, reign in my ego and keep the good insurance? What I jerk I was! And what a jerk I still am. Having your own business there are no guarantees. Any day I could go under. Lose the lively hood that others depend on. And if that’s not bad enough I’m a sea kayaker. I go out there into that vast cold wasteland. . . . for what? Fun!?? Ego? What about the risks? What a creep.

I don’t know what it is that calls some of us out there. It’s how we’re wired. It’s what we do. We see something bigger than ourselves and want to meld with it. We want to alleviate a numbness that floats around our heads. Risk wakes us up, makes us feel alive. Like we’re actually existing in the universe. Something about going from temperature controlled home, car, office, mall, mega mart and all the rest just feels smothering. We can’t seem to function for lack of oxygen. So we stand there looking out at the cold sea with anticipation and fear, we slip our spray skirt around the combing and slip out into the unforgiving sea. This is not what kayaking is about to some. It’s about boats and gear and play. For me it’s those things too, but it’s also about life, energy and sensuality. If I don’t feel these things I can’t function. I’m no use to anyone when I feel numb.

It was weird the other day when someone pointed out I had been quoted in New Zealand newspapers. I looked it up and there was the headline, “Admirable adventurers, or Fool hardy glory-hunters”. There it was again under “Why Risk Your Life?”. Seems to be the thread of story’s about Andrew and here I am quoted in a juxtaposition because I said he was brave to turn back the first time round, and yet said he’d give it another go because he was a man of substance. Thing is people of deep feelings need to feel things deeply. It’s the way you work. It’s not about records or fame or glory. They miss the point. It’s about living. It’s about the reason for your existence. Life. We are not cogs in a global factory meant to produce goods. We were born with no choice but to live. Some of us feel a deep desire to come to terms with our world, our place in the universe. It drives us to do, as some would think, stupid, selfish things.

What is the lesson of death? The lesson is to live. No one plans to die while living life, yet it will happen to all of us. What lesson do we teach our children? That you have one life. Live it. Breath deeply, love deeply, feel deeply, care deeply. Take it all in. Should we do the “right thing”, be responsible and play it safe? Maybe. And yet I know many bad and abusive parents have good jobs and play it safe. The issue is not risk or death. It’s silly to spin it in that way. It’s shallow and superficial. There’s more to being a good person than being a provider. There’s more to parenting than just “being there”. There’s more to life than security. We each make our choices and do what we feel we must. But when you talk about sea kayakers, climbers and other adventurers don’t assume it’s about records, fame & glory. More often than not, It’s about life. And life is short indeed.