anything

The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(a thousand beautiful things)
To live
To die
To breathe
To sleep
To try to make your life complete
(yes yes)
So …
Light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
never close my eyes …
That is everything I have to say
(that’s all I have to say)
- annie lennox
Sometimes I sit on the edge of cliffs. I have terrible vertigo. Yet, I’ll push an old leaf off the edge and watch it fall in slow motion to the earth below. It makes my stomach churn. But sometimes you have to go to the edge. Sometimes you have to jump. I like to jump off cliffs, the trick is to be sure it’s a fall I can handle. And be sure the reward is equal to the fear. what reward? Well, I found a 20 dollar bill once! But most often the reward is overcoming the fear. Sometimes in life you have to jump. I jump off cliffs to train myself to judge the jump and the reward. It’s not about the cliffs mind you. It’s about life. Sometimes life needs a few well judged jumps.
When I roll my kayak, there are times when I just stay down. As long as I can. I feel the pressure in my body. The need to breath. The need is biological. Need sometimes is in the mind, sometimes in the soul, or in the body. I like to know which is which. It’s hard to trust the needs of the mind because the mind can be a fickle thing. I think biological needs and those of the soul are twins. Biological need causes desperation if you refuse it. Needs of the soul, seek solutions even if the mind isn’t looking. Needs of the soul also cause desperation if you refuse them. Of course we have to train our minds to recognize them. If you hang upside down long enough, you’ll come to know every impression and sensation of biological need. That funny feeling in your chest and throat. The fuzziness of the mind. The tingling at the tips of your fingers. A slight sense of anxiety deep in the mind. Very subtle at first, but quickly building. I think, if you look for it, the needs of the soul feel just like that. Other times they scream out like the voice of a thousand angels calling you home. Silly how we still can manage to justify and refuse those needs. Let ourselves drown. Strange.
I was walking along a wooden bridge. I stopped to toss a stone in the little stream below. As I watched the concentric circles being ripped apart by the current, I noticed a small patch of cardinal flowers. I watched them for some time as they swayed away in the light breeze. I decided to go down there. There was no good way to do it. I ended up going to the edge of the bridge and jumping off. My feet sunk into the wet mud and I dropped to my knees. My jeans quickly strained the water from the mud and my legs were soon soaked. My jeans surrounded by mud, grass, flowers and duckweed. There was no need to stand up now. I was right next to the flowers and I was already wet. I sat and looked at the cardinal flowers for some time. They look like swans or cranes and they have the perfect lines of a ball gown. There were at least a hundred blooms. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw another just across the stream. With just a single bloom. I watched it there alone. Left out or independent? Who could tell? But it drew me too it. I pulled my legs out of the mud and felt the water run down into my shoes. My jeans were black from my knees down and covered with every sort of plant and sticks. I brushed the mud deeper into my jeans in a vain attempt to clean them, then swatted a mosquito. Yeah, I felt the mud run down my face. I rinsed my hands in the water and waded across the stream. I made it almost all the way across before I tripped. I went down again into the mud. But now my arms had sunk up to my elbows. The water and mud smelled of rot. My hands came out with a sucking sound. I stood again and took the last couple steps to the lone flower. I sat on a small dryish ridge right next to it. This lone flower had drawn all the energy from the plant. It was perfect, vibrant and so very beautiful. I was amazed and mesmerized. Lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice the cooling wind or the darkening sky. The wind build up and rain began to fall. I sat there mesmerized by the lone red dancer. In time I rose, walked back to the path and toward the car. I reminded myself that sometimes to share a moment with a flower you will need to jump off cliffs and crawl through the mud to get there. And I guess that’s what you do with a flower. Anything just to be near it
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I enjoyed reading that, Derrick.
wow Derick, kinda leaves me speechless. It is so beautiful and profound. Your writing inspires me to go jumping off cliffs and bridges. I better update my insurance policy soon
-kqp
Derrick: With all due respect to profundity, I’m wondering what the inside of your car looked like after you got back in…
hey josh, just like the inside of my head, a big muddled mess. LOL!!