Being out there does funny things with your head. I remember standing here on this sharp stone watching the sea race into every fissure and crack, sometimes with a subtle hiss, sometimes with a deep bass box boom that I felt more than I actually heard. I had come off the water and was already in an odd melancholy. The hard wind against a steep following sea make for quite a work out. I was tired to the bones and walking deep in an unfamiliar place. I watched the plumes of spray blast over low lying stone. I stood deep in thought. I thought in that odd way my head tends to think, a metaphor forming out of the mist. No matter how stiff, sharp and immobile this rock can be, I thought, it will, eventually, erode. The ocean is patient. The ocean works on the stone quietly. Sneaking into the cracks of the rocky shore’s seemly solid defense. It tears it down bit by bit, piece by piece. To watch it you would think that no matter how much the ocean blasts and makes noise, it has no power against the stone. Yet the evidence of the rock’s demise lies there at the bottom, near the water. All the chunks that were once part of the land’s solid wall are now lying there in lumps, slowly sinking below the surface of the water. This is why when someone says to me, “Keep your feet on the ground.” I’m not so sure that is such good advice. In the end it will always erode out from under you.

I often find stubborn and immobile people frustrating. Sometimes good people stand their ground. As well they should. Good people can back their opinions with good reasoning. You may not agree with them, and yet you can see they are reasonable people making choices based on life experience and self examination. You will never lose a wise friend over a difference of opinion. Yet other times people interpret their own immobile attitudes as a sign of strength when in fact, they are nothing but stubborn. Rocks unaware of their own demise. The trick I think, is the constant ability to re-examine our own thoughts and opinions. To test our own ideas and understand how important or unimportant our opinions really are. To accept our opinions and perceptions can be wrong. Things change, life changes, situations change. Often times opinions that were right once no longer apply. Attitudes that work in one environment fail in another. Perception can be based on faulty information and lack of understanding. In the grave we don’t move. Immobility is death.

In the sea we cannot get up each day assuming that today will be like yesterday. We have to check the weather reports, examine the skies, study the land forms around us. Even when conditions seem perfect we have to be prepared for them change quickly. We know that races can form with the tides, we learn that the water is not always calmer around that next head, harsh winds can seemingly come out of nowhere. To survive we have to accept that there is a lot we don’t know and at every moment we have to be continually learning, accepting change and be constantly adjusting. Flexibility and change are the basis of survival. Conversely, entrenched attitudes, “paddling in one gear” as it were. . is a recipe for disaster. It may work for awhile but don’t be fooled, eventually you will find yourself in a situation where you just can’t escape. Too rigid to move. Too slow to react. The ocean will get you.

I try my best not to judge others. Even when they are more than zealous in judging me. I can often see where their ideas and opinions come from. I know they don’t have or want facts. Sometimes judging others is a form of defense. A deflection. A cover up. There is joy in the judging after all. Even better if you can gather others to your cause and enjoy the bloodlust and frenzy being part of the mob. There is a certain unabashed egotism in feeling you have the right to crucify those you don’t agree with. It can make one feel strong, important, righteous and even popular. The frenzy can get so enormous that we even lose sight of reality. I remember in “Horton Hears A Who” when the Wickersham Brother’s started out with vague prejudice, but when gathered together in a feeding frenzy their views jumped into the realm of just silly. Caught in the moment, of course they were too blind to see it.

Rock doesn’t care what anyone thinks. It just sits there, being a rock. Dumb. Immobile. The sea does not fear the rock. It will go around it, under it, over it and eventually bring it down. Standing there on that sharp volcanic stone along the Atlantic coast, all these thoughts went through my head. Time passed. With the booming of a crashing wave, I came out of my little daze and began to walk back down to the beach below. I slipped once and caught myself on the edge of a sharp stone. I felt a small cut on my hand and glanced at bit of blood slowly rising from my skin. I looked down at the rock a moment and smiled. “You’ll get yours in the end.” I thought, and walked back down to my boat to find a snack. I suddenly felt terribly hungry.

In that nebulous region between the sea and the sand black stone hid, waiting for our boats to come riding in unaware on top of an uncaring wave. . .

Of course it was on this exact rock shelf where I bent the pins on my 3 piece kayak. What you can’t tell from the image is that the shelf of volcanic stone traveled all the way up the coast. Each wave would again bury it for just a moment or slam directly into it. From the water, there was no stone, only sand.

This morning I woke up thinking about the “nebulous”. Metaphorically anyway. That place between us and our understanding of others. The rocks below the surface. It reminds me that one cannot just rush into relationships. Personal, working, paddling, whatever. Sometimes if you can, it’s best to hold back and study. Other times life, will pick you up and toss you before you have time to truly examine what you’re getting into. Of course sometimes you find yourself sitting on the rocks trying to figure out how to fix the damage. It’s life.

Sometimes in the paddling community we are just too nice. “All boats are good boats”, “whatever’s right for you” and so on. Well, the truth of course is NOT all boats are good boats and often as we are getting into the sport we choose a lot of bad kayaks because we are selecting them for all the wrong reasons. Let’s be honest, not every boat is well. . . good.

The same of course goes for gear. I mean, we spend millions of dollars each year buying all the stuff we need to go out on the water. We buy clothing, safety gear, camping equipment, tents, hydropacks, filters, lights, food, ropes, compasses, GPS, cameras, shoes, hats, sunblock, and the list goes on. Of course in the end we often spend a good amount of money on pure, unadulterated junk until we find a good product, or get advice from someone honest and experienced.

With that in mind let me tell you some of the good and bad about the gear I took to Puerto Rico. From the hip. . .

1. Digital Concepts Battery Adapter (Good) - I found this little toy in Wal-Mart. Basically it uses 4 AA batteries to charge anything with a mini-usb port. In this instance, my blackberry. It was a total lifesaver. Considering the cost (under $30) of the adapter and including the price of batteries this was not all that high of price to pay to get a quick charge when we needed communication. Usually it would provide a single charge to a dead phone and if I kept my BB powered down unless I needed it, one charge would last for days.

2. Garmin ( Junk) - I can’t tell you how many “waterproof” Garmin GPS units I’ve trashed. Of course I know the rule. Don’t believe them and put the unit in a dry bag. OK. I got that. However, should we let them off so easily?? If they say the bloody thing is waterproof, can we at least expect it to be SPLASHPROOF??. You know if it were just me, I’d think it was karma but I know too many other people who’ve seen the same issue. Remember don’t depend on GPS, and certainly don’t depend on Garmin to be waterproof.

3. Northwater Gear ( Good) - I had a few things from Northwater. On this trip I had my deck bag, my tow belt and that guide vest to go over my PFD and carry lots of gear. All of them of course worked just great. My little deck bag is a couple years old now and still has not succumb to the sun. Some gear as you know will start rotting and tearing the first year if you let it bake in saltwater and intense light. (I’m the absent minded forget to rinse gear type) All my NW gear is faded but still strong as ever. The Guide Vest was the perfect answer to a PFD only one pocket and one attachment point. At first I really thought the vest would be in the way, but once I got it all strapped down I found it was just fine. I’m so glad I choose the guide vest. I only have one complaint about Northwater. . . If they can make Freya a black tow bag. . . then why can’t I get one?? LOL!

4. Pentax Optio W series ( Not quite ready for prime time) - “Ever the perfect camera for capturing adventure in the outdoors”. Well as long as adventure means being very, very careful. Alright. I bought two Optios. Yeah I loved them at first. That was before I found that it did not take too long before water would get into them. Again, it’s not just my karma, but I’ve talked to others with the same “$300 paperweight”. Ok, but what really ticks me off about Pentax is that corporate minded customer support that is only there to keep them from having to support their products. When mine died in PR we called them and asked if they could help us out a bit on the expedition. I would send them the bloody thing as soon as I could get back, but could they send the replacement asap so I still had one for the trip. After all, it’s under warranty and we were only there for another 3 weeks!! Well, what they said was, send us $350 bucks or whatever, and we’ll ship you a new one from the Philippines and you’ll get it in a week or two. C’mon guys!

Ok, put a disclaimer on the Optio. . “Works well, under pampered conditions.” Thing is, each time you take a battery or disk out you have to be sure to be totally dry handed, brush off the little gasket, and click down the little latch. Something I was getting quite skilled at, even in waves LOL! But even with pampering the cover may not set on the gasket correctly. It can get loose over time as the plastic begins to wear. It’s way to easy to get water into the camera and certainly not worth the risk or the hassle. So I went back to my Canon in the dive case.

5. MSR Ventana (Very Good) - Hey, this is a great tent. Remember to pack a tent in your kayak the first thing you do is toss the bag the tent is in. Rolled, the tent takes up too much space. Each day I would take down the tent in no time, then toss the 2 poles into the bag and toss them up into the bow of the kayak where nothing but tent poles would fit. Then I’d just crush up the tent and rain fly separately and crush them in there as well. They take up very little space. The tent has all sorts of great little pockets and is prefect for solo camping. Well, you can share if you are “close”. LOL! The little vestibules are perfect for all that sandy gear you don’t want IN the tent. What surprises me is how warm that tent can get. It holds heat quite well. Of course in PR that was not always a good thing. But you could always just take off the fly and sleep under the stars. My Ventana is 3 years old and has been on both coasts, all over Wisconsin, to Wales and PR. And I’m not kind to gear. Still, it looks like new and is holding together perfectly. Thanks MSR for showing that quality can exist. OH, and I did have to pay for it myself!! LOL!

So there are just some of the things that stood out. Sure I had a couple dry bags that were never anything like dry. My Tevas were kindly put to death before I returned. They shared their grave with my NRS gloves which were becoming fingerless before their time. I had issues with my Icom VHF and issues with the Icom VHF that I borrowed, but I’m not ready to say it’s their fault. We found those fun dried meals you get at REI were actually quite tasty! Oh, then there’s that knife I bought from NRS that rusted right up in salt. Good thing I could pretty much just wipe it off.

And of course my sponsored gear was great. I have to say that!!! Well, that’s not true exactly. I’ve been lucky. The only sponsors I had were companies that I already trusted. I didn’t have to be “won over”. No one questions the quality of Reed Chillcheater. Considering I wore the same gear for a month and they are still presentable and functional today says a lot. Werner was not really a sponsor of the expedition but they were really helpful in getting me my 4 piece Ikelos paddle. It performed like a dream in some pretty hairy moments. Yeah, I did get sand in it and had to get it back apart with a butter knife! Yet other than that little comedy I was glad to have a paddle that didn’t snap on me! My Rockpool of course took a good beating, but there was never a fault in workmanship. I still wish Mike would put in a recess for a compass. Oh, and there is the backband. . . A backband on an Alaw Bach is like an appendix. Just take it out. There’s no need. LOL!

I dragged my bleary, semi-conscious hide out to the kitchen and poured my morning coffee into a tacky, tall ceramic mug with the image of the USCG Eagle emblazoned on the front. I’m sure the only reason the coffee actually got in the cup is due to years of routine. Oatmeal cookie for breakfast? No. Not now. I walked back to my office stopping to toss on my black Reed fleece. I shivered. In my office, I walked to the window drawn by the call of a lone blackbird sitting atop a now yellowing Silver Maple tree. It’s cold this morning. Outside I can see all my paddling gear swaying lightly on a carousel clothes line that resembles an inverted umbrella broken in heavy wind. It’s all wet again. On another old post that held my grandmothers clotheslines may years ago, still wet skirts hang heavy and limp. I’d thought of taking the old post down many times. But why? It’s a perfect place to hang heavy gear. I took my camera off the counter and snapped a few pictures out the window. Some in color. Some in black and white. I fiddled with exposures to keep the clouds from becoming nothing but a white wall over our tiny mountains. The blackbird launched out over the corn and called repeatedly as he glided away. Under the heavy gloss of the morning mist my old black jeep looks new. Resting on the roof, my kayak is without a scratch.

The trick of course is to mix the right about of peyote with enough time in an isolation chamber. Soon enough you’ll be reverting back to your primeval self and smacking yourself against walls as you fight not to become one with the universe. Yeah, well I loved that movie. Sure the effects are a bit cheesy by today’s standards but every time I see William Hurt pacing around a table of friends rambling on about the state of humanity, I swear someone’s had a camera hidden in my ceiling. Of course others tell me that “The Mosquito Coast” was my personal biography! Who me??

But what got me thinking about Altered States (yeah my mind goes crazy ways. . ) was actually the time I’ve spent over the last couple days catching up on my paddling magazines. They’re changing. Have you noticed? Yeah, Adventure Kayak has always had a bit of personality. And recently Canoe & Kayak and Paddler (the US version) have become, well, a bit “edgy”. Suddenly we’re reading about drug use and straight talk about global warming. I loved the line in Paddler, “Arizona save your tears”. Great article too. Of course Ocean Paddler is new and while it presents like “Vogue” for kayaks, the writing is well, human. It feels like “real people”. Great! Of course Sea Kayaker maintains it’s more stalwart approach, and I guess it’s not a bad idea for someone to stick to “tried and true” journalistic tradition as the climate shifts around them. To my mind, it’s all good.

It’s a question I’d asked in this blog sometime ago and a question of survival for all print media. How do you compete with the constant drumbeat of the internet? Monthly magazines by their nature are almost always printing old news by the time it hits the mail box. Blogs and other websites are running with every bit of news out there in real time. And if you get lost you have websites like playak.com bringing it all together and condensing it. Then with high-speed becoming more common, websites can provide high quality images, video, interviews, podcasts, integrated mapping and so much more. What’s left for a magazine to do? Even if you count on those few people (like myself) who still like to sit on a couch and hold real paper in their hands, you have to accept they are a dying breed. The ADHD, multi-task generation is here. These days we want our news fast and multifaceted. Just look at CNN these days! In the “biz” they call it “media snacking” where the new audience wants everything in condensed 45 second snips. (Yeah, I can hear the gray beards groaning!!) Even bloggers realize that readers want, “short and to the point”. Yeah, I’ve not been good with that one!! LOL!

The one thing magazines have left, their ultimate save, is well, content. (old news right?) Readers may not turn to them for news, most people in my experience feel the reviews are a bit questionable, and they are certainly not looking for the details of the last ACA meeting. (I mean, we get the mailings.) But as the print media is learning, people do want great stories, beautiful imagery and well, personality. Readers want to not only be informed, but they want to FEEL something. It’s not about agreeing with the writer, it’s about knowing they are down to earth, no BS types. You may not agree, but you don’t doubt their integrity.

As the paddling magazines pursue this new world, they will certainly divide readers. People will choose the magazine that fits their paddling “world view”. Some will enjoy the proper formation of sentences and long un-emotive trip reports, Some will want to hear opinionated diatribes while sitting in their living rooms yelling, “Right on!” to no one in particular, Some will just pick the one with those big glossy pictures and fantasize about their next personal adventure. Let’s face it you can’t please everyone. A person or magazine, or blog for that matter with an overt personality will not appeal to everyone. The trick for print of course is to reach out to a wide enough audience to keep your subscriptions up and your advertisers happy. That’s the balancing act of this little revolution. Thank god bloggers don’t need to answer to free market pressures!

There have been many times since I started this blog that people have asked me, “Why don’t you write for a magazine?” Well, my first response of course was, “yah, right!”. My next answer is “well, nobody asked”! But the reality is I’ve thought of contributing and yet, every time I looked at the rules and regs that some magazines put on contributions my eyes would roll into the back of my head. I’d think, “how can I write something so dry and emotionless??”. I’d fall asleep writing it, let alone expect others to read it. Ewww! It’s just not me. Oh, and I can’t spell worth a damn either. (thank god for editors). Blogs give you the opportunity to write in “free form”. You can play with ideas and poor sentence structures to create new ways to get your point across. You can just run with an idea and see where it takes you. You can rant about personal, social, or environmental views, you can even (as the brits like to say) spend a little time staring at your own “belly button”. In the end it’s all good. I hate to think of it that way, but bloggers, writers, magazines, whatever. . they are. . WE are, just “entertainment”. People will read us, if for whatever reason we entertain, inform, or inspire. It’s simple.

My hat goes off to the new altered state of print. It’s a new world out there and I’m glad to see most are taking the challenge and thinking in new ways. I’m actually excited again to see my mags in the mail! So run with it guys. Shake it up, make new friends, force others to toss your magazine in the trash, take pride in those happy new readers, and those nasty letters to the editor. Take the message. You’re stirring it up. Sure, we all enjoy the occasional flat water, but it’s great to see some of you writing in “Class V” mode!