A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There’s no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
– floyd

Pilot Steve Fosset did a bunch of crazy things. In Time magazine recently they quoted him in response to a question about why he did what he did; He said something to the effect that he wanted to challenge himself and push the boundaries of science and aviation. I understand that. There are millions of pilots out there but not every pilot is trying to push their boundaries.

The same can be said for sea kayaking of course.  We can paddle just because we love to paddle. We can paddle to become closer to nature. We can paddle to see how fast we can go. We can test our endurance or how many rolls we can master.  A kayak can just be a fishing platform. Often it’s a combination, we do it for many different reasons. So why do you paddle?

Well, for my part I had no idea why I started paddling. Even more so, I had no real idea why I kept it up. I was never really a “sports” person. “Sports” to me is often a metaphorical response to a question no one asked. Well, at least I used to feel that way. I was never all that hip on some bristle headed football coach telling me why football made me a better human being. These days, I keep that guy in mind when I find myself using a sports metaphor. . .

I think early on, the first thing that drew me into sea kayaking was a desperate need for quiet. I know it’s hard to believe these days, but at heart I’m an isolationist. Not that I want to be, but most of the time in groups I feel too much the alien. I’m the guy who laughs at my own jokes while everyone else just glances blankly. A blog suits me much more than a round table. Writing I can find my thoughts, conversations often move too quickly for me to gather my head. By the time I know what I want to say, everyone else has often moved on. In a sea kayak I found a way to get out away from the social scrabble of human interaction. I can understand the water. The sea has no bias, it just is. And as I’ve always said, the sea and the enviroment have a sensuality that can’t be matched. Well. . . can’t be matched without long dark hair, white satin and a good bottle of wine anyway. . . .

As I grew in the sport I became more interested in going further out in more challenging conditions and pushing over the next horizon. Suddenly learning skills became more important.  Then somewhere in that process the addiction of personal challenge reared its ugly head. I found I hated NOT being able to do something. That was one personal discovery that sea kayaking made me very aware of! Next thing I knew I was spending hours trying to get a sideslip just right or mastering that bloody hand roll. I’d spend day after day in dogged pursuit of the victory over my own incompetence. Each time I’d try something new it was always the same; At first I felt lost, slowly an image would catch, I’d gain bits, fall back, improve my visualizations until I knew it WAS possible, then like an old mule, I’d push to a success. Heck it’s the same today. Yeah, this is not always “Fun”. It’s work. Self-improvement, practice, and personal victories can be a very hard core pursuit. In the midst of it, you sometimes find yourself asking “Why??”

Well in part as I said, it is about personal challenge. If it weren’t for my own need to push my abilities I’d not be at the pool so often or spending summer hours at my local lake. To be honest, the scenery gets really boring. Yet, years pass and I’m still at it. I cloister myself up in my own little world and fight battles with my brain and body. Each session I push to come away with any little victory, no matter how small or how silly. If I don’t perceive a win, I usually leave a bit dejected. (sometimes I’m downright pissed!!) This is the personal ballet of self-improvement.

However it’s bigger than that. All those hours of dogged practice pay off when you are alone at sea. As your skill sets, balance, and judgment improve, you can go further, explore more, find joy instead of fear in rougher conditions, dip into places you’d never thought you’d dare go. . . Your world opens up as your mind is freer to it take in more of the world around you. I thought of that often during some of the rougher days in Puerto Rico. I recognized the things that would have once terrified me, had become part of the joy of the experience. In the end it’s that freedom from your own fears that make all those hours in the pool worthwhile. Even on those days when you forget your nose plugs.