The Omen

Posted by derrick on March 29, 2008

"You should know everything about the Thorn business. After all it will be yours one day. "

I was having paranoid delusions again.  One should never watch OMEN sequels before bed.

Imagine if you will, one corporation slowly & quietly, yes almost inperceptively taking over the paddling world.  Sure you can imagine Damien Thorn here if you like, however you have to imagine him in a paddling jacket.

Over time this “Thorn Industries” of paddling begins to collect paddling related companies like baseball cards.  Chances are you’d really never notice. The names and logos wouldn’t change. Maybe some of the reps would disappear to be replaced with guys in tan Dockers & polo shirts, but all in all it would happen pretty quietly. They’d collect a stable of paddle makers (high & low end), kayak and canoe makers (both high end and low), safety equipment makers, a clothing company or two, and even camping gear & hiking gear.  Of course with all these brands, the average person would never tie them all back to “Thorn”. 

Then of course with all these items and brands they could put together some sweet package deals for retailers. In fact they could  (if feeling a little nefarious) create situations where retailers who want one “must have” product, have no choice but to carry their whole line.  Retailers would be pinched.  Slowly other independent companies would not be as competitive.  Retailers would of course sympathize, but have no choice but to limit their independent purchases.  What shopper would notice in a store full of variety that they were actually buying from one mega-corp?

This mega-company could use their leverage not only to “own” the shops but they could also own the shows. A large enough corporation could “assist” with marketing, provide guest speakers (who happen to be reps or distributors for their brands), they could produce instructional videos and so much more.  If they take the McDonalds approach they could easily help out cash strapped national organizations and even local clubs with safety materials, paperwork, posters, and even some gear that subtly leads users always back to their stable of brands. .  . Before you know it. . , Big Paddling Brother owns the industry.

In a twilight zone moment I imagine a guy who had just returned from an expedition.  His compass failed, his paddle broke, his deck line mounts broke, his pfd ripped and even the poor guy’s tent pole snapped.  He sits down at the phone with a list of each item and beside it each company’s toll free number.  He begins to call. .  in time he realizes . . no matter what number he calls. . . he gets the SAME support agent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  "How may I help you Mr. Smith?"  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Wow! That was scary.  As Silbs said, I have to stop eating salami before bed time.  Thank god it was only a dream!

*image: Damien Omen 2