It’s a weird sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach. That moment when my brain suddenly starts seeing something utterly nuts and scary as something real and possible. It’s that moment when you stand on the edge of a dark precipice and the little voice in your head says, “go ahead, step off”. Thanks to my relative grasp on sanity I don’t usually step off. On the other hand, the guy in the red pajamas on my other shoulder says, “What’s the matter? Afraid?”. . .

It was sort of like that as I gazed out the window of the Lake Express ferry watching the 3-5 foot seas roll by and disappear into the fog somewhere in the middle of the 80 mile crossing. Without concious intention I was drifting and doing math. . . “Let’s See,” I thought to myself, “ 80 miles divided by 4 is 20. So at 4mph it would take about 20 hours to cross the lake by kayak.” I continued, “But there is no way I could hold that speed over 20 hours, so let’s say 3 mph just to be safe. Well in that case it would be somewhere around 27 hours. 27 hours!?? No way, I’d have to keep closer to 4 than 3. Would you sleep on the water or paddle straight through? I’d think I’d just try to paddle through. Hmmm, how would I prepare for that? Maybe I could see what a doctor would have to say. There must be a way to train for extended hours on the water. . .” Suddenly I surfaced from my lost thoughts and again saw the waves disappearing into the dense fog and with a sudden shock I thought, “What the HELL am I thinking!!!!!!”. Forget that! . .  . but still. . . and that’s where the precipice opens beneath your feet.

Back in the real world I ran to Madison last night to grab the very last can of clear gelcoat that the marine store was holding for me. So today I’m going to finally get at some of the repairs to my poor beat Rockpool! Now you could say that I’ve been putting them off out of fear and you’d be right. . On the practical side it is hard to find clear gelcoat.

This Saturday I’m teaching down at Rutabaga and will get a chance to try out Shawna and Leon’s new bracing techniques. Then the following weekend it’s off to Chicago for the symposium there. In Chicago it’s my turn to stand and point to little maps with my paddle as I talk about last year’s “Chasing the Ana” trip. Should be fun!

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