“By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.” – mark twain

“I’m trying my best!”. Yeah it’s sort of universally understood. “I’m trying my best!” is a phrase that almost always comes when someone is failing at something and someone else is getting impatient. Sometimes they really are trying their best, sometimes they’ve given up and “trying my best” is a last crest-fallen defense. Either way it certainly is a signal that something has to be re-thought.

I have to be honest. I come at this issue with an “up from the bootstraps” background. There were way too many times in my life were I had to find my own solutions. In the end no one can make you succeed at anything. They can train you, give you tips, offer a hand up, psychotropic drugs, or a bit of good advice but no one achieves without doing it themselves. The man behind the curtain knows that underneath all the frill of the modern world we are still 3 meals from anarchy and even in a crowd we are, each one of us, very much alone. If we are lucky we share moments of our time with others who take varying levels of interest in us. Yet if truth be told none can truly be expected to always seek out your best interests without running them through the filter of their own interests first. It’s ok. It’s real. Someone said once that true love is when two people’s self-interests collide. (And this coming from a hopeless romantic!!)

The thing about trying it seems to me is that to succeed has to be organic. We can pass a test on information we’ll never remember and that is trying, however the lessons we learn without trying are the ones that seem to last forever. No doubt, some things are really, really hard. Sometimes learning is frustrating. Some days we just chuck it and go grab a bag of chips and flip on the TV. The thing is, if the goal is worth it to us, personally, inwardly, we will be back at it soon enough and of course, “trying our best”.

Sometimes as we all know we are NOT trying our best. It could be we really just don’t care or it could just be the day. Sometimes we can re-focus, sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we should just walk away and admit it’s not OUR goal but someone else’s. Sometimes we should admit distraction or feel good about hating the teacher. Whatever it is, chances are if you find yourself saying “I’m trying my best!” you are probably not, and that’s the catch.

I keep having this re-occurring dream where I’m talking to a psychologist. After a long rambling diatribe about all my belly-button staring problems I pause as I catch her looking at her watch. (Which reminds me of something I was told long ago. . . “a psychologist after all is just someone you pay to be your friend, it’s just more honest!”) As her eyes lift from her watch, I find myself needing to wrap it up. “Well,” I say with a slight pause as I stand up and fiddle in my pocket for my keys, “The thing is, I feel very alone. . . but I’m trying my best.”

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