Dont want to be a fat man,
Have not the patience to ignore all that.
Hate to admit to myself half of my problems
Came from being fat.
Wont waste my time feeling sorry for him,
I seen the other side to being thin.
Roll us both down a mountain
And Im sure the fat man would win.
-tull

I find getting in “shape” such an arbitrary and frustrating thing. There is the shape you want to be in, the shape you need to be in, the shape your genetics try to force you into, the shape your job or lifestyle try to create, the shape observers think you should be, the shape your doctor says is healthy for “you”, the shape your kid’s plastic people project, the shape in the Victoria’s Secret catalog and everything in between. Some folks don’t worry about shape. Some don’t need to, some live active lives and don’t work in front of a desk, some are thin by nature, some simply love the shape of being out of shape and some just prefer to tell others what to look like. It’s frustrating. If you’re struggling to keep or regain that svelte form for the summer, you’re not alone. I hear ya…

When I was in the 300lb range and discovered kayaking I was at the mercy of salespeople were selling me barges. They unwittingly made learning boat control much harder simply because of their sniggering biases. The could have sold me much smaller kayaks but of course they just assumed if I was bigger than them I got the fat people boat. After dropping nearly 100lbs it was much easier to shop for gear as I suddenly became a “human”. Still I’ll never forget how close I came to giving up on kayaking because of those myopic salesmen.

On the other hand even losing that much weight left me at 5’8″ 190lbs. While some could not believe I weighed as much as I did, other athletic type friends were still ragging on me about “eating less”. Like they had a clue what I ate!?? They assumed. Some naturally thin people are prone to a lot of assumptions. People who work in very active jobs also tend to not see the variations of others lifestyles or employment in a realistic way either. Some simply have never taken the time to think about weight issues because it’s not part of their world. Still they often can’t help passing out some dimwitted and sometimes blind, hurtful advice.

At 39 years old I ran 4 miles Monday-Friday, paddled 4-5 days as well. Yes that did mean many days I both did my trail run and then in the evening did a paddle… I also managed to fit in a day or two on the bike trails. My family knew I’d become a bit crazy about it in fact. I was angry it took so much work to keep my weight down. I practically had to starve at 1500 calories a day to remain stable, then pile on the miles to lose. But I read once that what you are at 40 is what you’ll likely remain. So I was determined to get down to a reasonable weight. I do believe that anything is possible if you want it badly enough. Suffice to say I entered my 40th year at my lightest weight since I was in my 20s.  A month before that big birthday, at a symposium I made some quip about a hard day and got the, “well you should work out more..” comeback.  Yeah, that was rewarding.

You see, that’s the thing, some people can’t fathom the amount of sacrifice and hard work some go through to maintain even a semblance of a “healthy” body weight. They’ve never actually counted their pretzels or weighed their chicken or measured every meal for years on end. So they have little respect.  They assume you are glued to a TV eating bon-bons all day.  I mean, get real!! Do some simply eat too much and take no exercise? Certainly. But how does anyone dare assume that’s always the case and freely offer such BS advice as “eat less” to anyone without any clue to their particular situation? Being physically fit is a very good thing, however if you have never known being fat it’s probably a good thing to hold your opinions as well.

So here we are at spring once again. I turn 44 this year. I remain on 1500 calories a day. I’m flying up and down our baby mountains chasing a puppy daily and yes, losing a bit of tonnage again. The winter was hard, but not physical. My goal is to drop 30lbs. I’ve dropped 10 already. I know shedding the rest is simple enough. I know myself and what needs to be done but I can’t say I like it. You see, I also know that there can never be a break without a rapid return of the chub. I know that if I ever slack, or simply get tired of skimping calories and pushing up hills I’ll be right back where I started in just a matter of a few short months. I can’t ever go to the 1 beer a day diet. I can’t quit the game, or cut a corner or ease off. Ever. Unlike almost anything else in life, weight management is not aiming toward a goal and achieving it as some would suggest. Achieving “it” is simply the middle bit. Achieving a goal weight is not a win, but the moment when you step onto a treadmill where one slip sends you flying right back where you started. From there you must never stop running.

Related Posts:

1. Andrew McAuley Support Fund
2. Fat Chance
3. Where Blubber Meets the road
4. what we can do
5. Sailing