The view this morning outside my office window

Heavy clouds shroud the earth this morning. The world outside my window is dark, black & navy blue with just a hint of red. There was a time when I relished these cold, cloudy, sensual days. There is something in the darkness that stirs my soul. It’s the tense apprehension in the calm before the storm, the tightening pressure on the trigger before the audible “click”. It’s the final steps through the parking lot and the whoosh of the sliding doors as you arrive to get your test results. It’s  the rush in panic’s precursor, the ramping edge of “fight or flight”. The  sudden tension of an accidental touch of an unspoken crush.

There are moments when life screams out to some that that everything is askew. Too calm. Too peaceful to be sustainable and too mind numbing to be livable. In these moments the pressure drops, the clouds begin to build and the mind searches for a hint of distant thunder. It’s a moment of apprehension and anticipation. Sometimes. But as it happens, more often than not, the clouds simply linger for a time, then pass. Sometimes the clouds portend nothing more than a cloudy day.

There was a time when I relished these cold, cloudy, sensual days; the spin of a leaf; a spit of rain. These days however,  I find myself just searching for the sun.

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