Counting lambs, counting sheep
we will fall into sleep
and we awake to a new day of living
and loving you so. – Tull
Cheers to December 31st, 2012! I have to say, I love this day. Well, not the day exactly.. It’s cold. It’s grey, and I’m totally sick of winter. Still, I’m happy to mark the end of 2012 and transition forward from too many years of feeling as if I’d lost control of my life and of my soul. I’m healing. I’m quieting my mind. I’m accepting the things I cannot change, and moving forward. Let the time for sadness and regret fade away. Let there be happiness. Let there be plans for the future and…. Let there be sheep.
Sometimes a numbness creeps up upon you. You may or may not know why it happens.. Sometimes you don’t even notice. You go through the motions. In the midst of such things you may convulse, shudder and flinch but simply reposition. Much like an uncontrollable twitch after sitting in a theater seat too long, you’re so caught up in what you’ve been watching that you don’t realize how long you’ve sat in place. Your body suddenly jerks and demands your attention. You often simply adjust yourself and go back to what you are watching. Sadly, when it comes to our lives, we sometimes don’t recognize the twitching for what it is… a warning. It’s not a time to simply adjust ourselves, it’s a time to get up and move before a clot forms and rises to the brain.
Change has been happening for sometime now, but the coming of the new year does create a marker. A moment to stop and express a goal or path more clearly. In 2013 my goal is to continue to recover. To get my soul back. I know that sounds dramatic, and it is. But many of us have been here before. We’ve lost ourselves without realizing how it actually happened. We turn grey and begin to fade. Everyone around us knows it’s happening but they don’t know why and don’t know what to say… Often they begin to back away from discomfort. You’re simply not you any more. We count ourselves lucky if we recognize it in time. Luckier still if we still have the strength to face the wreckage demanded to actually do something about it. I started 2012 as black as I’d ever been, but slowly throughout the year a light has shown through. In 2013 I simply want to clear the cobwebs, refocus and continue to reawaken. To find joy in breathing once again.
In 2013 I also want to get back to a goal I set nearly 3 years ago. It’s time go travel again. Time to get to the highlands. To paddle Loch Ness.. time to see Scotland… We are planning now for autumn.. Who knows what the summer may bring, but this goal must now be carved in stone. It’s time.
Speaking of time, It’s time I stop blogging and get to work. After all, travel takes money… Between now and then, I could use a bit more. Happy new year everyone. I hope this year proves to be everything you hope it will be.