I’ve made it back to my little home in Wisconsin. Once again miles from anything like the sea. Jet lag is chewing at me a bit as well. By my body clock I went to bed at 5am. Of course by Wisconsin time I also got out of bed at 5am. . . so you do the conversations! LOL!

I’ve got lots to share, but I think on this first day back what roams through my fuzzy brain is the question, “Am I a better kayaker now??” Well, that’s what we do these trips for right?! My first sort of “off the cuff” answer is, “No”. I can’t say I spent much time on skill work, with so much else going on. I didn’t take navigation courses or work on proper surf skills. In fact, other than my L2 Coach training I really didn’t do anything “officious”. I just paddled.

As much as Justine wants to avoid the issue, she is a good coach. At least for the way I learn. Which means she coached very little unless something obvious was wrong with what I was doing. Like sitting over a big rock waiting to get killed my incoming waves because I was too stupid to see where I was sitting. I certainly made my share of mistakes in understanding the coastal environment. Luckily I was not abruptly punished for those mistakes.

I experienced tidal races in “real time”. I managed. My personal point of pride is that I was not rolled by the sea. Not that it did not try once or twice. Each time I managed to brace correctly or re-balance on the fly with a lift of a knee or the flick of a hip. In the end I did roll in Penrhwn Mawr. . But on my terms just to say I did it. Of course in all fairness I did not go surf the nasty front wave when the race was getting really active. Otherwise things may had been different.

I managed to paddle in some big soup and land on a beach that was considered too messy for the class that was out at the same time. With a mix of surfing and back paddling I kept my boat under control as the sea tried to rocket me into the beach.

I wrestled with fear on more than one occasion. Most of the time I could work myself down with the simple question, “What’s the worst thing that’s going to happen?”. Fear would say, “What If I got knocked over??”. “I can roll.” I would answer. “What if I don’t roll?”. . “Well, then I would swim!” Fear would ask, “What if you swim??”. My rational would answer, “I am with my friends and they have my back.”. I trust my friends. I know my abilities. Thinking those things though helped me deal with those little moments when fear would creep forward.

In the end, I’m I a better kayaker? I don’t know the answer. I think I’m more confident. I better understand what I can, and can’t do on the water. Maybe confidence and understanding make you better. I’m not sure. One thing is sure however, I got a heavy dose of humility.

photo of derrick & justine by Axel Schoevers – thank you!!